And for those who uphold google as a definite source of knowledge. Just type in “french military victories” press I’m Feeling Lucky and oops someone has bombed google with “Did you mean: french military defeats” and clicking that gives:-<\/p>\n
– Gallic Wars
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– Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.<\/p>\n
– Hundred Years War
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– Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; “France’s armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman.” Sainted.<\/p>\n
– Italian Wars
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– Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.<\/p>\n
– Wars of Religion
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– France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots<\/p>\n
– Thirty Years War
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– France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.<\/p>\n
– War of Revolution
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– Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.<\/p>\n
– The Dutch War
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– Tied<\/p>\n
– War of the Augsburg League\/King William’s War\/French and Indian War
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– Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.<\/p>\n
– War of the Spanish Succession
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– Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.<\/p>\n
– American Revolution
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– In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as “de Gaulle Syndrome”, and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; “France only wins when America does most of the fighting.”<\/p>\n
– French Revolution
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– Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.<\/p>\n
– The Napoleonic Wars
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– Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.<\/p>\n
– The Franco-Prussian War
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– Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France’s ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.<\/p>\n
– World War I
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– Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it’s like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn’t call her “Fraulein.” Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.<\/p>\n
– World War II
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– Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.<\/p>\n
– War in Indochina
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– Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu<\/p>\n
– Algerian Rebellion
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– Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; “We can always beat the French.” This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.<\/p>\n
– War on Terrorism
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– France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald’s.<\/p>\n
The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be “Can we count on the French?”, but rather “How long until France collapses?”<\/p>\n
“Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage.”<\/p>\n
Or, better still, the quote from last week’s Wall Street Journal: “They’re there when they need you.”<\/p>\n
Copied from http:\/\/www.albinoblacksheep.com\/text\/france.html<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
And for those who uphold google as a definite source of knowledge. Just type in “french military victories” press I’m Feeling Lucky and oops someone has bombed google with “Did you mean: french military defeats” and clicking that gives:- – Gallic Wars – Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[32],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-66","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-geoff-twitter"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newsite.geoffjones.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/66","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newsite.geoffjones.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newsite.geoffjones.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newsite.geoffjones.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newsite.geoffjones.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=66"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/newsite.geoffjones.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/66\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newsite.geoffjones.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=66"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newsite.geoffjones.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=66"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newsite.geoffjones.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=66"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}